A Single Thread (Cobbled Court) by Bostwick Marie

Author:Bostwick, Marie [Bostwick, Marie]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Kensington Publishing Corp
Published: 2008-11-01T07:00:00+00:00

21

Evelyn Dixon

Finally, on that awful Saturday night, after being unable to reach Garrett and unable to talk frankly with Mary Dell, I dialed Dr. Finney.

Though she’d urged me to call her anytime, I hated bothering her at home. But I simply had to talk to someone, someone who understood what I was going through.

We spent almost an hour talking through my fears, not just about the cancer but about everything: the future of my business; of what would happen to me if the shop failed, or the surgery failed; of how my body would look after the surgery; of chemotherapy; of how Garrett would react to the news; of living the rest of my life alone; of never being wanted again, or having sex again; of everything—and especially the fear…no, make that the certainty…that I was no longer in control of my own life.

We talked and listened and cried together and laughed together. And it helped. It didn’t change anything, but being able to talk made everything a little less overwhelming.

She said one thing in particular that stuck with me: that while I might not be in control of this disease, I was in control of my reaction to it—I could be a victim or a conqueror. It was up to me. “One thing I know from experience,” she said, “it’s always a lot easier to be a conqueror if you don’t try to go it alone. You didn’t see Napoleon riding off to battle with just himself and his trusty sword. He brought in some backup.”

“Napoleon ended up defeated, imprisoned, and exiled to a tiny island in the Atlantic.”

She laughed. “Okay, bad illustration, but you get the idea. Evelyn, you need to talk to your family and friends. I know you wanted to wait until after the holidays, but I think you should tell them now. It’s your choice, of course, but think how you would feel if the tables were turned. What if someone you cared about had cancer and kept it a secret from you?”

I saw her point. Margot, Abigail, Liza, and Charlie too—it wasn’t fair to keep them in the dark any longer. I would tell them the truth, all at once so I could get it over with, during our regular quilt-circle meeting. I would invite Charlie to be an honorary member for the evening. Sitting at my desk, I wrote a list of every question I thought would come up during our discussion and thought carefully about my answers. I wanted to be prepared, to tell them on my own terms and in my own way, calmly, rationally, and with optimism regarding the outcome. It would be good practice for my conversation with Garrett. That would come next.

I didn’t want to give him the news over the telephone. I’d briefly considered flying out to Seattle to see him. But after a quick search on the Internet, I realized there were no airline seats available this close to Christmas, not at a price that I could afford.

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